It’s been a while…
The struggle went on.
You tried so hard to act wisely. There were many times when you did not know what acting wisely was supposed to be like. There were so many voices around you saying that you were wrong no matter what action you took. They knew better! (It’s easier of course to give opinions from outside the fire).
So let’s get back to our initial situation. You observed your thoughts. There were moments of acceptance. You worked hard for some of those moments, just to find them easily swept away by a grasp of reality that did not match your expectations. Ah! The expectations! You knew you shouldn’t have them. It’s what the voices also said (Sure they did!). Let’s be gentle now. They just did not want to see you hurt.
You kept telling to yourself how you’re supposed to think. (Hey, you should have been an expert on that by now!) You spent hours, countless hours trying to train those neurons to give you the state of mind you’d prefer. (Yeah, right! We both know that isn’t the state of mind you want, it’s just the compromise you “should” have.)
For so long it seemed like you’ll never get the hang of it. As if your successes were like water drops sculpting a mountain.
And then, one unexpected day, it happens. It’s there! The state of mind that you so much craved for finally hits you. Your heart skips a beat! Somehow you’re afraid to move an inch. What if it goes away? What if it’s just a fortunate coincidence?! You decide not to give it a lot of credit, but after a few days you start to notice that this state of mind is yours. As much as your own breath.
It was your battle, but you were so focused on the war that you did not notice that the war is over and you are definitely a survivor. And not just a survivor! It seems like those bullets don’t hit you so hard anymore.
Amazing! Your brain has the power to adapt to so much! You need to plant the seeds and keep watering them. Day, after day, after day. And some time past the seed will come to life, feeble at first and growing in the sun of your efforts.
If you allow it!…